Charis

Today was court day.  The day we’ve been anticipating since we first saw Kristina and felt God’s leading to make her our own.

After spending the day at the orphanage yesterday, our feelings were mixed at best.  Not that backing out was an option, but the reality of it all was staring us in the face.

Its kind of like the day before you get married.  You know there will never be another chance to turn back, however, turning back is not an option (I’m not speaking here about my marriage – just in a general sense!).  There is a point where there is no turning back.  We had passed that long ago – this wouldn’t be about whether to send back the wedding gifts, or pay for a reception that would never happen, or even the heart break that would be caused by such doubt – no this was about something much bigger.  This is about a child with no mother, no father, no grandmother to hold her, no one to make sure she has a future, no one to deliver hope to her.  We couldn’t possibly give up now – not ever!

It was the rejection we felt by Kristina that brought on this storm of emotions in each of us when we were at the orphanage yesterday.  Even our translator seemed overly concerned with Kristina’s mindset.  As we walked with her from the orphanage down to the coast of the Gulf of Finland, she allowed us to peek inside her heart through a small crack.    Her fears were dominating her actions and responses to us.  In a matter of 3 years she has lost her mother, been deserted by her father, disowned by her grandmother and moved from the familiar home she had to a shelter and then to the orphanage and now – suddenly – once again her world is being torn from her to be replaced with a whole new world.

Now, from our perspective, we can’t possibly know the terrors that are running through her mind.  As we walked and talked we learned of a 19 year old girl that has suddenly taken a serious interest in Kristina and causing her to rethink whether adoption is best for her.  This older girl has given Kristina a phone and she calls her often.  The best we can gather is that Kristina is wondering whether life would be safer to seek care from this young lady or if she is better with us.  Of course we know the answer, and we spent all afternoon reinforcing our love for her and reminding her that she has a hope and a future with our family and she cannot imagine how much her life will improve when she has a forever family.  It is also suspected that the recent negative news about Americans treating Russian orphans badly was retold to Kristina on more than one account.

Kristina is simply a scared little girl.  Latching on to the only familiar things she has in life – but sadly those things are not stable, and her future would be forever changing for her as she grows older and hits that slippery slope that all Russian orphans face when they are forced out on their own at 16.

(As I write, I wonder if this is what God sees when He looks at our lives and the hopeless things we often cling to because we choose fear over faith.  He has promised us so much more – yet we often cling to the sideline of life scared to jump in for fear of the unknown.)

anxious before court begins

Court has now come and gone and Kristina has a new name – Kristina Charis McCart – Charis is the Greek word for grace.  In a few days she will have a new birth certificate with us as her documented parents – never to be changed.

And our personal fears were overcome by a reassurance of our purpose as we went through the court procedures today.  We had  knelt before God this morning in the hotel room before our driver was to be here.  We were honest with Him about our own reservations and the withdrawn response from Kristina that had pierced our hearts as we visited with her yesterday.  And then we asked God to reaffirm His call in a very clear way that we are doing the right thing and that He is indeed leading the way.  And He did.  No less than 5 times was Kristina’s past repeated to the court.  Thankfully she was out in the hall at this time but we were shattered over and over as each court official had to read aloud their own report and reasons for supporting our adoption.  In each and every report all who were present would hear that Kristina’s mom died in a fire.  Her father rejected the right to care for her and has never been a part of her life.  Her grandmother was visited by the social workers and refused to open the door each time as she rejected any responsibility for Kristina.  How they posted her picture on public boards in the social offices with ads asking for someone to step up and take care of this child – and no one ever did.  We heard that over and over and over.  I don’t think our request for His affirmation could be any clearer than this.

In sort of a comical way all the fears of how we would get here through the volcano clouds and whether the courts would even allow us to continue our process seem like such trivial matters in light of what Kristina is undergoing.  She has her own volcano of emotions clouding her view and her own fears of what the court – today – has decided for her.  What a turn of events…….  We simply wish we could wipe away those uncertainties and show her the bright blue sky that is waiting for her to look up and discover.  But soon enough she will fly home with us to her forever home and family!!

So we pray all the more for Kristina Charis.  That she will trust us and not those who are so jealous of her that they tell her lies and attempt to scare her from leaving here.  We pray that her new name will become a reality in her life – that by a leap of faith she will find herself immersed in God’s grace, that endless ocean of love that He has in store for all who find Him.

rodney

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