Headed Home….
This is our last day in Russia!! We are all so excited and ready to be home to begin our new life with Kristina. Right now, we are in the hotel room watching the rain as Katia, our translator in Moscow, is filing Kristina’s papers with the Ministry of Foreign Affairs. That is the last step before we can go home! Tomorrow morning we will be begin the long trek home. We did a little sight seeing this week…saw Red Square, visited a open air flea market, and walked around a couple of Russian malls. I think mostly this week was about getting to know Kristina. She has fit right in with Hanlee and Maci. She has such a sweet spirit and loves to play and laugh. I can’t wait for everyone to meet her as she begins her new life in America.
I copied this from a friends blog and thought she expressed well some of the challenges facing the transition time for an adoptive family, so I asked her permission to share as well:
When we get home, we know it’s going to take a while for our family to get into the swing of things and for all the our family to really jell. We are praying that God will work in the hearts of each family member to bring us all together. As with any blended family, we know there is potential for division amongst the troops, but we’re going to work through, with the Lord’s help, & encourage the kids to be family (Kristina will need to learn what this even means).
Our top priority from an adoptive standpoint will be bonding and attachment with Kristina. Hopefully, she developed the ability to bond as an infant/toddler. If so, this process will be much easier for us all; if not, it will be much more difficult. If you have parented an older adopted child, you probably understand what we’re talking about. If not, you might wonder why in the world would I make a big deal over this or you may even think we’re crazy (I know I might have a few years ago!). We are not asking that everyone agree with us or even understand the process we’re going through, but that as our friends and family you would trust our heart, respect our decisions and support our parenting. If you would like to understand more about this, please feel free to ask us questions or for some books that can help you understand what we’re embarking on.
So, what can you expect when we get home?
- Kristina will be very tired (maybe for a while as she adjust to her life). Please greet her warmly with a hug, but do not be offended if she does not respond. She might not hug you back or even speak to you. She will be overwhelmed with emotions and might not warm up to you easily. Please respect her boundaries.
- Keep in mind that our goal is for her to bond with us as Mama and Daddy… it’s what life will be centered around for her. Please let us do all of the care-giving (offering food, consoling, disciplining, offering choices, helping with tasks, etc)
- Please do not give her anything she asks for without first telling her to “ask Mom or Dad” – don’t ask for her. She needs to ask! This applies to food, permission, help, anything! She is learning English and can do this herself.
- Back us up. If we direct her to do/not do (or eat/not eat) something, please go along with us even if you would do things differently. When she sees you respecting our words to her, she will learn from that example.
- Please do not allow the her to hang on you or cling to you. She might want to sit in your lap, hold your hand, or just lean on you, but she must learn to cling first to Mama and Daddy.
- Gifts: if you have something to share with her, please ask us first… or ask them to “ask your Mom/Dad” if you can give her something. It´s important that the permission always come from us.
- While she is learning to be a part of a family & follow rules and respect our authority, she will have days she is frustrated with us. We will be the ones saying “no, you can’t do that” or “I know you don’t want to go to the store, but we are all going as a family.” In times like these, she may turn to others outside our immediate family as a way of pushing us back. Please do not allow this. It might seem mean, but you need to push her back toward us! For her sake, she cannot bond with people outside of Mama and Daddy right now.
-Bearing these things in mind, please do not ask the if Kristina she would like to go places, do things or attend events. You can ask us about these things, but do not be offended if for the next several months we don’t attend much – we will be staying home a lot! Also, Kristina will not go anywhere without us… not until she has attached to us as her Mama and Daddy. We do look forward to the day that she can attend parties and events just as other “normal” children can, but that will have to take a back-seat right now.
-Kristina is learning what it means to be part of a family, to trust and obey us as her parents, to rely on us for everything she needs (emotionally & physically), and to bond with us as her mama and daddy.
It is imperative that she learn to seek all permission, affection, guidance, attention, provision (for every basic need), affirmation & acceptance from us first. Only after she has truly bonded with us as her parents will she ever be able to develop healthy relationships in the future. Right now, think of Kristina as in the “infant” stage – she has just come home to our family. Only with her, she NEEDS to LEARN to rely completely on us just as an infant relies on her mother. This is not something that will be instinctual for her. Our desire is for her to come to know God’s love and to develop into a healthy adult who has healthy relationships with her spouse, children, friends and family. Thank you for supporting us in this! It will help us all transition smoothly as we become a family.
We love you all and are thankful for each one of you!!!
Christy
